Damn The Calzones, Full Speed Ahead!

We’ll get to that particular joy in a moment.

First, you should know where this pizza came from.

It came out of my home oven.

It was made by a total amateur.

And it is not a pizza for everyone.


This pizza is what we call a Danger Pie.

The reason we call it that is because it has too many toppings. Those toppings include the following:

• fresh mozzarella cheese
• low-moisture mozzarella cheese
• pecorino Romano cheese
• San Marzano tomatoes
• smoked ham
• andouille sausage
• Fresno chilis
• fresh garlic
• cremini mushrooms
• Argentine red shrimp
• fresh cilantro
• fresh scallions

Yes, that’s a lot of stuff. It’s also a little wet. So many toppings and so much moisture, you're in danger of losing it.

That's why a pizza like this is against the rules.

Sometimes, a pizza like this becomes unwieldy.

Sometimes, a pizza like this turns into a pile of crap inside calzone.


Therein lies the danger.

And therein also lies the joy.

Not ending up with a calzone requires practice, patience, skill and understanding.

It also requires a knowledge of the person you’re serving it to.

My wife really enjoys this pizza.

My brother would hate it.

He hates shrimp. He hates mushrooms. He probably hates cilantro. (We’ve never discussed cilantro. But it’s a safe bet that cilantro falls outside his narrow spectrum for desirable foods.)


Who made this pizza?

Your relentless scribe, of course.

I made it for you.

Why would I do that?

Because, after years of dabbling in pizza, and refining my pizza during lockdown, I’ve come to a realization…


Pizza is a good metaphor for advertising.

A good advertisement creates desire.

A good advertisement makes someone happy.

A good advertisement cannot appeal to everyone.

A good advertisement is a synergy of mundane components that come together to create an effect greater than the sum of its parts.

And, without practice, you end up serving a pile of crap inside a half-baked calzone.


A good pizza is poetry. And so is a good advertisement.

Either one can bring joy.

And on occasion, it will make someone weep.

Here’s the other thing: anyone can do it.

It takes practice. It takes patience. It takes skill. It takes understanding.

That’s all.

Simple ingredients assembled properly.

It can be a foundation of flour, salt, yeast and water.

Or a foundation of focus, purpose, intent and words.

Each of us has the power to make a pizza.

Each of us has the power to create an ad.

It just starts with the desire, a little practice and paying attention to the rules. (And knowing how to break them, of course.)


SIDEBAR: Do you want pizza power?

The most common question about my pizza is, “Do you make your own dough?”

Like it’s some kind of magic trick.

It’s not. It’s just flour, salt, yeast and water.

Would you like the recipe for an Ad Guy’s Pizza Dough?

Reply to this missive with the two-word phrase, “Dough recipe.” I’ll send it to you. 
Cheers,

Blaine Parker
Your Lean, Mean Creative Director in
Park City