SLOW BURN MARKETING
  • Home
  • Portfolio
    • Branding
    • Audio / Video
    • Print
    • Web
    • Collateral Etc.
  • About
    • Blaine Parker
    • Honey Parker
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Do You Fit?
  • Stuff
    • Speaking
    • Books
    • Newsletter
  • Story Lab
  • Contact

WORDS GOOD: May You Live In Super Exciting Times

12/14/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
From “The Chronicles Of I Research These Things So You Don’t Have To…”
 
Yes, it’s another tale of word curmudgeon detectiveology to help answer the unanswerably nagging question: “What the hell happened?”

In this episode: Super Adverb!
 
Yes, it’s possible that you’ve turned a deaf ear to “awesome,” “amazeballs” and “awesomesauce,” but your camel’s back has broken beneath the straw of ultra-awesomeness in the attack of the adverb, “super.”
 
If you’ve wondered how this all happened, I believe I may have discovered the culprit in the great super avalanche (superlanch?) of the 21st century. Ready? 
 
 
Tinder Did It!
 
The super-ubiquitous dating app first introduced the phrase “swipe left” as an all-purpose metaphor for dismissing someone as unsuitable.
 
And then, Tinder brought us the ridiculousness of supersizing that which does not require it.
 
The great day of the super-stupidsizing was September 9, 2015. 
 
That is the day that Tinder introduced a new button designed to help one express, to an extreme degree, their attraction to a prospective bedfellow, er, hookup, er, partner (there we go!) by clicking on a new button that expresses more than mere “like.”
 
 
The new button of 2015 was “Super Like.”
 
And who doesn’t want to be Super Liked?
 
Moreover, Tinder assures us that by using this button, “The person you Super Liked will take notice.”
 
(This button is not merely a thumbs-up or a double thumbs-up or an amazeballs emoji, but a blue star which looks vaguely like a puckered blue orifice—and who doesn’t super like that?)
 
With apologies to the geniuses who have made Tinder so super successful that it surpasses Netflix in terms of subscriber dollars spent: we must take notice that being super-liked is super-silly.

Is merely liking something or someone no longer sufficient? Why is adding one’s own words too much? Is it that it requires a) thought and b) words?
 
Clearly, there is an excessive burden presented by the time that original thought robs from one who is attempting to thumb-like as many prospective bed buddies as possible in one session of swipe-and-tap date shopping by phone in the worst possible evolution of mail-order assignation (a new term I’ve just invented, what with mail-order bride-ness now being antiquated and beyond sexist and super-laughable, as how does one attach a bride or a groom to an email?).
 
 
And yes, faithful reader, you will notice that some of the sentences herein are super-complex.
 
They’re violating your faithful scribe’s borrowed dictum from David Ogilvy, to wit: thou shalt not write any sentence longer than 13 words.
 
But this verbal violation seems super necessary at this super moment in history where our language is being super bogged down by the superlative double whammy of ambiguous, confusing, style-abhorrent, non-agreeing if gender-neutral pronouns and the invasion of super ridiculous, tech-bred speakiness into the vernacular.
 
 
Majorly un-cool, dudes and dudettes. 
 
What can be done?
 
How about we super-investigate superalternatives to super-izing everything?
 
Quick!

Rush to the rescue station!

Break the glass on the emergency super-thesaurus case and thumb over to words like “superbly,” “superlatively,” and “superly” (the latter being super-awful sounding but at least a legitimate word). 
 
 
Or, better yet, forget the thesaurus entirely. 
 
Instead, when someone uses “super” in a capacity that you might deem ill-advised, turn it back on them. 
 
“Did you just say your steak is super amazing?
 
“Does that mean the great surprise and astonishment of mere amazement is insufficient to describe the power of that char-broiled beef upon your palate?
 
“How much more transported beyond simple astonishment are you?
 
“Will your spirit be leaving your body here at the table, requiring the bus boy to clear away your limp and lifeless carcass?
 
“Or will your head simply fly from your neck, which will then shower us all in bloody amazeballs?
 
 
“Or, is it simple enough that we should just go find you an adult diaper?
 
How super amazing is it going to get and do I need a plastic sheet as if I were in the front row at a performance by that comedian who uses a giant mallet to smash watermelons?

"Explain thyself, dear friend.”
 
OK. Perhaps that is excessive. 
 
Here’s another idea: let’s place a moratorium on adverbs. They’re often the majorly weakest part of verbal expression. 
 
 
Writing and speaking free from adverbs is potent. 
 
And maybe the example can leach into the culture.
 
Perhaps the thoughtless offenders of superdom will notice they sound out of step.

They’ll reevaluate the awesomeness of their word choices.
 
But I super doubt it.

Until the superstorm passes, we will have to suffer the foolishness.
 
Super swipe left.
Cheers,

Blaine Parker
Your Lean, Mean Creative Director in Park City


LIGHTNING BRANDING ON AMAZON
The Kindle edition of our new book is now available at Amazon for the REDUCED bargain price of $9.95
 
For details about our new Lightning Branding courses, both do-it-yourself and we-do-it-with-you editions, click here. (There's even a video of us!)
0 Comments
    Picture

    Author

    Blaine Parker is prone to ranting about any and all things related to brand. In many ways, he is a professional curmudgeon. While there is no known vaccine for this, the condition is also not contagious. Unless you choose it to be so. 

    Archives

    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015

    Categories

    All
    Abe Lincoln
    Advertising
    Advertising As Art
    Ad Writing
    Amazon
    Apathy
    Art And Advertising
    Attack Ads
    Authenticity
    Beat Bobby Flay
    Besotted
    Best Ads Of 2017
    Big Ideas
    Billboards
    Bobby Flay
    Book Marketing
    Brand Advertising
    Branding
    Branding Book
    Branding Santa Claus
    Brand Names
    Bud Light
    Budwieser
    Burger King
    Burger King Advertising
    Burning Man
    Burning Questions
    Business Book
    Buy Now
    Car Advertising
    Carefu;-ish
    Careful-ish
    Casablanca
    Christmas
    Commercials
    Commitment
    Communication
    Content
    Core Customer
    Corny
    Corporate Culture
    CoupleCo
    Couplepreneurs
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Crazy Ivan
    Creativity
    Creativity Over Message
    Cult Brands
    Customers
    David Ogilvy
    Dick Orkin
    Diisruptive
    Down Market
    Dr Sam's Eye Care
    Effectivness
    Electronics
    Entrenched
    Exceeding Expectaion
    Facebook Advertising
    Feeling
    Focus
    Focus Grouping
    Fonts
    Food
    Fraud
    Gary Vaynerchuk
    Hair Club For Men
    Hanukkah
    Holidays
    Hotels
    Hugo Boss
    Hurricane Relief
    Ideas
    Influence
    Inspiration
    Internet Radio
    Jeep
    Jerry Lewis
    Johnnie Walker
    Jungles
    Krylon Spray Paint
    Lawyers
    Lightning Branding
    Logos
    Lulu Lemon
    Mackerel
    Make Customers Care
    Marketing
    Masks
    Meaning
    Media
    Medical Tourism
    Membership
    Me Too
    Millennials
    Milton Glaser
    Must See TV
    Napa
    Nastalgia
    New Clients
    New Skills
    New Years
    Nicaragua
    Niche Brands
    Offers
    Ogilvy On Advertising
    Outdoor
    Pasta
    Patriotism
    Pen & Paper
    Personal Brand
    Pizza
    Podcasts
    Poetry
    Point Of Purchase
    Political Advertising
    Political Correctness
    Price Advertising
    Pringles
    Procrastination
    Product Experience
    Publicity Stunts
    Punctuation
    Puppy Monkey Baby
    Radio
    Reader Question
    Reality TV
    Relationship Marketing
    Repeat Customers
    Research
    Rhode Island Tourism
    Road Trip
    Romance
    Rosser Reeves
    Sailing
    Sales Staff Writing Radio
    SEO
    Small Business
    Small Business Branding
    SnapChat
    Social Media
    Social Media Marketing
    State Farm
    Story
    Struggling
    Subaru
    Super
    Superbowl
    Super Bowl Ads
    Sushi
    Sy Sperlling
    Taglines
    Thanksgiving
    The Big Short
    Trademarks
    USP (Unique Selling Proposition)
    Vail
    Velcro
    Vernacular
    Vocabulary
    Wine
    Words Good
    Writing
    Writing Advertising
    Zeitgeist

    RSS Feed

OFFERING:
Branding & Marketing
Speaking
Books
Newsletter


INFO:
Services Breakdown
​
Clients
About
Testimonials
Contact
STORY LAB
Picture
​
​
© Copyright 2020 Slow Burn Marketing LLC
Privacy Policy
Terms & Conditions
Picture
  • Home
  • Portfolio
    • Branding
    • Audio / Video
    • Print
    • Web
    • Collateral Etc.
  • About
    • Blaine Parker
    • Honey Parker
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Do You Fit?
  • Stuff
    • Speaking
    • Books
    • Newsletter
  • Story Lab
  • Contact