SLOW BURN MARKETING
  • Home
  • Portfolio
    • Branding
    • Audio / Video
    • Print
    • Web
    • Collateral Etc.
  • About
    • Blaine Parker
    • Honey Parker
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Do You Fit?
  • Stuff
    • Speaking
    • Books
    • Newsletter
  • Story Lab
  • Contact

HOT SHOTS - About That Time-Honored Brand Of Thanksgiving

11/22/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture

​IS THERE A NEW THANKSGIVING BRAND?

 
Let's face it.
 
There will be food.
 
There will be blood.
 
Thanksgiving is a holiday that is forever connected to food, more food, and even more food.
 
Blort.
 
And this year, it'll also be connected to rampant intrafamily animosities about politics.
 
It is recommended that during the meal, all the family's firearms be kept locked in the gun safe, the combination changed to something only mother knows. (And no, she should not be allowed to carry her pink camo Lady Derringer under her apron.)
 
STILL, THERE WILL LIKELY BE MORE FOOD THAN GUNPLAY
 
Is anything more uniquely American than the consumption of mass quantities as celebrated in the late 1970s by the SNL's Beldar, Prymaat and Connie Conehead?
 
Force-feeding oneself mass quantities of turkey and carbs in the name of thanks and remembrance is the kind of thing that could happen only in the U.S.
 
And in part, that mass consumption is due to the cornucopia made possible by the 20th century food industrial complex.
 
About a year ago, Fortune magazine gave us an article on "The History of America's Favorite Thanksgiving Brands."
 
IT READS LIKE A WHO'S WHO OF CORPORATE FOOD GIANTS
 
The list represents a series of entrenched products that seem almost like a holiday menu cliché:
  • Butterball Turkey
  • Libby's canned pumpkin
  • Ocean Spray Jellied Cranberry Sauce
  • Bruce's Yams
  • Jet-Puffed Marshmallows (for topping all those the yams)
  • Pepperidge Farm Stuffing
  • Campbell's Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup (for making green bean casserole)
  • French Fried Onions (for topping the green bean casserole)
As contemporary food habits change, how much of this menu is changing? And how much of this menu was traditional 100 years ago?
 
BECAUSE 100 YEARS AGO, EVERYONE WAS A LOCAVORE 
 
They just didn't know it or have a silly portmanteau to describe it.
 
Or so we're told by locavore foodie Mark Bittman, who wants us to eat more locally, seasonally and sustainably.
 
I live in Utah and this time of year, I should be eating more poached sagebrush.
 
Mr. Bittman's position is that (in my likely wildly inaccurate Reader's Digest logline), by definition, food is something that must nourish and sustain--and most products in a supermarket fail that test.
 
Personally, as a sometimes junkavore, I find the nourishment and sustenance properties provided by Pringles and beer to be greatly underrated. Even if Pringles do not resemble anything found in nature. At least not since the disappearance of Idaho's great potato slurry swamps of the early 1800s. But I digress.
 
SO, IF EVERYONE IN THE EARLY 1900S WAS A LOCAVORE...
 
...what did a thanksgiving menu look like?
 
What To Have For Dinner, a 1905 Fannie Farmer cookbook, is good enough to provide a glimpse with this Thanksgiving menu:  
  • Oyster Stew 
  • Celery 
  • Oyster Crackers 
  • Roast Stuffed Turkey 
  • Brown Gravy 
  • Cranberry Moulds 
  • Oak Hill Sweet Potatoes 
  • Turnips and Carrots in White Sauce 
  • Boiled Onions 
  • Chicken Pie 
  • Mince Pie 
  • Squash Patties 
  • Fruit Pudding 
  • Brandy Sauce 
  • Assorted Nuts 
  • Raisins 
  • Cafe Noir
Wow. That's quite a pile of food. Just thinking about it has me searching for a glass of highly alcoholic digestif and a nap.
 
And if you live in mountainous northern Utah, trust me: there are no oyster beds, cranberry bogs or chicken-pie farms. Locavorism is out the window.
 
THAT MENU ALSO SOUNDS AS EXPENSIVE AS IT DOES FESTIVE
 
This can't be what an average family was putting in the table a century ago. It must've been quite dear.
 
Not to mention turnips, or oyster anything, would have produced a high quotient of whining and grumbling in our house.
 
(Personally, I love oysters and turnips now. But like many of us, Blaine Parker version 1.0 was a product of the standard suburban American menu that eschews anything challenging the meat and potatoes paradigm.)
 
A 1900 issue of Good Housekeeping reigns it all in somewhat with this menu for a budget: 
 
  • Tomato soup
  • Croutons
  • Roast turkey
  • Cranberry sauce
  • Mashed potatoes
  • Onions in cream
  • Mince pie
  • Pumpkin pie
  • Cheese
  • Coffee
No, no fancy cafe noir for this crowd. they get coffee. Pure and simple.

Well, even if the Good Housekeeping core customer was a locavore by default, this menu is starting to sound somewhat similar to that from  Fortune magazine's Thanksgiving brand champions. Except that it seems unlikely that in 1900, any of the ingredients were processed.
 
BUT 21ST CENTURY ALT THANKSGIVING IS BEGINNING TO REAR ITS PIERCED AND TATTOOED HEAD
 
Not everyone likes turkey and stuffing.
 
The vegetarians and vegans among us will skewer the whole idea of turkey.
 
The self-diagnosed gluten intolerants proclaim a pox on bready stuffings.
 
So...what?
 
Epicurious provides a glimpse into a crumbling tradition of turkey dinners.
 
One vegetarian family doesn't allow themselves sugary breakfasts, so they prepare a huge stack of pancakes.
 
Another anti-turkey contingent celebrates each year with a meal from a different nation. Their favorite theme is Mexican. "We usually start the meal with fresh Topolo margaritas and ceviche. For the main course we've made chile-bathed sweet potatoes; charcoal-grilled corn with cream, cheese, and chile; pork- and fruit-stuffed chiles in white walnut sauce; and braised short ribs with chiles de árbol, white beans, mushrooms, and beer. For dessert we make a version of a key-lime pie and chocolate flan."
 
WHOO, LOOKING FOR THAT DIGESTIF AGAIN
 
And maybe a Tums.
 
Now, if you subscribe to the Thanksgiving revisionism that's out there, maybe you believe it's a good idea to blow out the whole idea of turkey traditionalism in favor of something that offers nary a nod to the Pilgrims of Plymouth Plantation and their Native American turncoat buddy Squanto. A pox on turkey! Get the whole clan ratcheted to the gills on sugared-up tequila cocktails and then feed 'em beans! 

Hello, a hangover full of farts. 
 
Well, here's another fly in the cranberry ointment.
 
According to Wiki-So-It-Must-Be-True-Pedia, "The first documented thanksgiving services in territory currently belonging to the United States were conducted by Spaniards and the French in the 16th century."
 
Following the footnote citations provided therein, it becomes apparent that Spanish Catholics at St. Augustine and French Huguenots at Jacksonville both predated the pilgrim festival of thanks in Plymouth. (It also didn't snow there in Florida, and they probably had better college football games.)
 
AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE'S THE POST-ELECTION THANKSGIVING HELL
 
It's still November and the pain is fresh.
 
Thanksgiving offers all kinds of fun when rolled up with the traditional family members who look askance at the contemporary non-traditional lifestyles.
 
The family homestead often doesn't provide designated safe zones.
 
Dad doesn't bother with trigger warnings.
 
And when his daughter's wife with the facial tattoos and forehead piercings brings along their newborn vegan baby of color, all bets are off for a peaceful meal that doesn't devolve into a festival of tears and bile.
 
Not that tears and bile are anything new at Thanksgiving.
 
It just comes with different issues, all shiny and new.
 
THE THANKSGIVING BRAND IS AS IT ALWAYS WAS
 
It is the single most popular and most traveled holiday of the year.
 
Regardless of how you celebrate it, it remains a festival of food and remembrance.
 
It also remains a time for families to air their drunken grievances over a hearty meal with a huge carbon footprint.
 
Yet somehow, we all continue to celebrate it with minimal trips to the emergency room and only a modicum of gunplay.
 
Traditionalist or revisionist, gourmet or not, however you choose to celebrate, have a fabulous feast .
 
We're thankful for the health of our family and friends. Our clients, too.
 
And we at the screed are also thankful for you, dear reader.
 
Gobble. 
As always,
 
Blaine Parker
Your Lean, Mean Creative Director in
Park City

0 Comments
    Picture

    Author

    Blaine Parker is prone to ranting about any and all things related to brand. In many ways, he is a professional curmudgeon. While there is no known vaccine for this, the condition is also not contagious. Unless you choose it to be so. 

    Archives

    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015

    Categories

    All
    Abe Lincoln
    Advertising
    Advertising As Art
    Ad Writing
    Amazon
    Apathy
    Art And Advertising
    Attack Ads
    Authenticity
    Beat Bobby Flay
    Besotted
    Best Ads Of 2017
    Big Ideas
    Billboards
    Bobby Flay
    Book Marketing
    Brand Advertising
    Branding
    Branding Book
    Branding Santa Claus
    Brand Names
    Bud Light
    Budwieser
    Burger King
    Burger King Advertising
    Burning Man
    Burning Questions
    Business Book
    Buy Now
    Car Advertising
    Carefu;-ish
    Careful-ish
    Casablanca
    Christmas
    Commercials
    Commitment
    Communication
    Content
    Core Customer
    Corny
    Corporate Culture
    CoupleCo
    Couplepreneurs
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Crazy Ivan
    Creativity
    Creativity Over Message
    Cult Brands
    Customers
    David Ogilvy
    Dick Orkin
    Diisruptive
    Down Market
    Dr Sam's Eye Care
    Effectivness
    Electronics
    Entrenched
    Exceeding Expectaion
    Facebook Advertising
    Feeling
    Focus
    Focus Grouping
    Fonts
    Food
    Fraud
    Gary Vaynerchuk
    Hair Club For Men
    Hanukkah
    Holidays
    Hotels
    Hugo Boss
    Hurricane Relief
    Ideas
    Influence
    Inspiration
    Internet Radio
    Jeep
    Jerry Lewis
    Johnnie Walker
    Jungles
    Krylon Spray Paint
    Lawyers
    Lightning Branding
    Logos
    Lulu Lemon
    Mackerel
    Make Customers Care
    Marketing
    Masks
    Meaning
    Media
    Medical Tourism
    Membership
    Me Too
    Millennials
    Milton Glaser
    Must See TV
    Napa
    Nastalgia
    New Clients
    New Skills
    New Years
    Nicaragua
    Niche Brands
    Offers
    Ogilvy On Advertising
    Outdoor
    Pasta
    Patriotism
    Pen & Paper
    Personal Brand
    Pizza
    Podcasts
    Poetry
    Point Of Purchase
    Political Advertising
    Political Correctness
    Price Advertising
    Pringles
    Procrastination
    Product Experience
    Publicity Stunts
    Punctuation
    Puppy Monkey Baby
    Radio
    Reader Question
    Reality TV
    Relationship Marketing
    Repeat Customers
    Research
    Rhode Island Tourism
    Road Trip
    Romance
    Rosser Reeves
    Sailing
    Sales Staff Writing Radio
    SEO
    Small Business
    Small Business Branding
    SnapChat
    Social Media
    Social Media Marketing
    State Farm
    Story
    Struggling
    Subaru
    Super
    Superbowl
    Super Bowl Ads
    Sushi
    Sy Sperlling
    Taglines
    Thanksgiving
    The Big Short
    Trademarks
    USP (Unique Selling Proposition)
    Vail
    Velcro
    Vernacular
    Vocabulary
    Wine
    Words Good
    Writing
    Writing Advertising
    Zeitgeist

    RSS Feed

OFFERING:
Branding & Marketing
Speaking
Books
Newsletter


INFO:
Services Breakdown
​
Clients
About
Testimonials
Contact
STORY LAB
Picture
​
​
© Copyright 2020 Slow Burn Marketing LLC
Privacy Policy
Terms & Conditions
Picture
  • Home
  • Portfolio
    • Branding
    • Audio / Video
    • Print
    • Web
    • Collateral Etc.
  • About
    • Blaine Parker
    • Honey Parker
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Do You Fit?
  • Stuff
    • Speaking
    • Books
    • Newsletter
  • Story Lab
  • Contact